Changes afoot!

The last few years has been a whirlwind of changes and the blog situation is no exception. my enthusiasm for this blog has run out and i'm on to new things-- challenges, situation, etc.

however, it doesn't mean i'm done blogging altogether. i'm moving hosts and changing focus on what i write about....

more posted by the end of the week.
and thank you to my small but loyal band of readers. i hope you'll join me on my next blogging adventure!

many days, out of touch...

i have been out of the loop when it comes to blogging.
there has been a lot to report, but its all so complicated and complex and intertwined that it feels like too much to actually write about it.

life is good though. i've been temporarily displaced from my office and am working at home while the clinic is under construction. it's been hard to be working a 9-5 job while at home all the time. it's a little bit of a disconnect. i feel like i need to be at my desk the whole time, but i'm also doing work at 6, 7, or even 9:30 when Bug goes to bed.

it's a weird place to be in, complicated by the fact i am the ONLY one working at home. it makes me even more of an outsider than i already am there....

ok been gone for a while

much has been afoot but i think i am ready to resume blogging.
work is nutty-- i've been temporarily displaced and am working from my home office until end of September (i think...)

i don't like it-- too much empty space and not enough interaction. at least when i was consulting, i didn't feel bad about taking time in the middle of the day to run errands--my time is my own and i bill for the hours i work. my friends keep reminding me that 1) exempt employees get paid to do the work, not for the hours they log and 2) take the break while you have the chance, because it will pick up again. and they are right. so i am working hard and getting things done and not stressing about the hours i sit in front of the computer.

headed to WI on wednesday to visit family. hope everything goes smoothly.

still struggling to get over my weight plateau. but have stayed steady since June, so that is some kind of accomplishment, even if its not the one i wanted.

life, as always, continues to throw curveballs, but i am doing my best to handle them with athleticism and poise.

WTF is up with me today?!

it's been a day of nonstop "hunger" and continual eating. is thisd PMS? the only things that appeal to me are chocolate granola bars, chocolate chips, peanut butter, and double cheeseburgers with fries and a milkshake. common links: sugar, fat, salt.

argh!

most frustrating b/c i am refocused on losing the remaining 15-20 lbs i have left as part of my goal, but i struggle with sustained effort. sunday was good, monday was better until the end and today is an f***ing disaster. i wish i could sustain a regular low(ish) calorie eating pattern for more than 2 days.

a great way to get the day started

with a quickie!

every once in a while we're both so on the same page that it makes me wonder why i let myself get so down about the state of our relationship.

sometimes, all it takes is a 5 minute reminder of why you're married to someone. :)

better. things are better

short story: JR and i "talked" last night and cleared the air about some things that were really bothering both of us. i feel confident that we both felt heard and validated and that we are both going to take steps to give the other person what they want.

i know not everyone could be married to my husband, but i certainly do love him and appreciate everything he brings into our relationship. he's not perfect, but he's perfect for me.

not enough weekend for me

wo days off barely felt like any time at all. things were busy although the real problem is that JR and i have been so drained of energy that making the most of weekend time is too much work. for my part, i've just been trying to get through the days until we go on vacation.

as for my last post, JR and i did discuss it this weekend. well, more accurately, i told him how i was feeling and he said that he wasn't in a great place to talk about it. i don't take this as rebuff to my reaching out-- sometimes you're just not in a good place to talk about something.

strangely enough, it was something that he said that made caused this issue to resurface. you know the saying: ifor every women, there's a guy tired of f-ing her? yeah, well, that just made me realize that it's not all me. i ackowledge my part in the situation... but the truth is, it ultimately doesn't matter how thin or pretty or whatever i am. because i'll still be me, and there's nothing i can do about that. even at my ideal weight... at some point in the future, that'll be the new norm. and once again, i will not be enough to incite excitement or passion.

i don't feel disheartened by that. i feel relieved. although i may still have another 15 or so lbs to lose, that now seems to be a separate issue from what we are struggling with. at least i can put down the burden of being solely responsible.